Jan Frode Nilsen is a former Jehovah's Witness. He has lost contact with his family after he left the congregation. Photo: Kristin Ellefsen
Originally published in Norwegian on Faedrelandsvennen and written by Jan Frode Nilsen
I moved out carefully, walked quietly through the doors, tried to find a way to keep in touch with my family, but it was difficult. The conflicts were there, tearing me apart mentally.
A journalist from Faedrelandsvennen was allowed to follow me over a long period, and published a series of articles based on it in 2018. I was anonymised. The price to be recognized was great, I was not ready. But I knew I had to say something, tell.
On 25 October 2019, I appeared for the first time with my full name in the media, I ended up on the front page of Vårt Land. This is now almost three years ago. The reason was the shameless, obvious lie Jehovah’s Witnesses submitted to the State Administrator, in which, in order to retain state support, they declared that family ties are not affected by an ostracism. That family life continues just as before.
Since then I have had no contact with my parents. My own mother sent me a message that she neither could nor would have contact with an apostate.
It took three years of letter writing, emails, arguments and appeals to the administration. Two governments, a new law was passed in the Storting. Now the State Administrator has concluded twice, and the Ministry of Children and Families has rejected the Jehovah’s Witnesses’ appeal. They no longer receive 17 million tax kroner a year from you and me.
Was it worth it? Well, what to say? I do not know. I would like to see my mom and dad again. Just been a completely normal son, not a bastard you no longer recognize.
Is it my fault that it turned out like this?
Who broke the bond between mother and son, father and son? Between brother and sister?
Me, because I couldn’t live with the rules?
Me, because I couldn’t sit still, shut up and bow my head in shame?
My parents, who believe that God requires this of them, who have been taught for a long life that you have to choose between your own children and the God they worship?
Or is it the religious leaders, the ones who have constructed this web of power and control?
The leaders of Jehovah’s Witnesses, who interpret the Bible to the extent that one should cut off all contact with one’s apostate child?
I do not know. I have no answers. Just a life lived.
You almost have to assess it yourself. With his own conscience, his own God. Look at your own children, and ask yourself the question; What would I do? Like dad. As a role model. As a human here on earth.
Show me the god who demands that I no longer be the father of my children if they do not live up to my demands, and I will tell that god the same thing I am saying now. You are not my God. You don’t speak for me.
Show me a religion that requires its members to reject their beloved children if they raise their voices, and I will say that it is an unhealthy religion that harms its own children.
Sometimes you have to speak up, you have to raise your voice, put your foot down and say that things are not okay. So let it be as it will be. Even if it costs everything.
I would like to thank the State Administrator and the Ministry of Children and Families for listening to our voices and believing in us. It is greatly appreciated.
