Natalia Koretskaya was one of Jehovah’s Witnesses for many years. She was called as a legal witness by the Russian Ministry of Justice during the court hearings held in Moscow earlier this year to ban the Witnesses. Her fascinating journey  in life was originally posted on JWForum. name in Russian. It is translated and posted here in English with permission.

How I became a Jehovah’s Witness

It was from my mother that I first heard about Jehovah’s Witnesses. She enthusiastically told me about what she heard from her colleague: all suffering on earth is a temporary phenomenon; that soon the wold will change for the better; and that everything that is prophesied in the bible will be fulfilled. We greedily grabbed the new knowledge. We visited Jehovah’s Witnesses and we begun to study the “Live Forever” book. My little brother joined my mother and me. My father didn’t share our interest in the bible. He considered himself Orthodox.

The study was sometimes interesting; others times not so much. My brother and I often left the study and went out and played in the street. To sit at home an extra minute was sometimes just to unbearable. Although, I appreciated and remembered the knowledge I gained during the study. Over time, my mother would study alone and would manage to persuade me to join her. I succumbed. My brother, on the other hand, never returned to studying the bible with the Witnesses.

Because Jehovah’s Witnesses did not see my mother making any spiritual progress, they ended the study with her. I, on the otherhand, made progress. I got involved, made new friends, became a publisher and over time, I was baptized. I got baptized just after finishing school. In general, my mother approved of my choice, but she could not change her life so as to become a Witness. My life began to pass through all theocratic laws.

Life in the Organization

I now understand that the reason for me staying within the JWs for many years was directly related to the fact that I was actively involved in all spheres of the “Christian Life”, as the Witnesses believe it to be. On reflection, there was no other way to think. Witnesses only speak about this in their publications.

After baptism, I became an auxiliary pioneer (part-time preacher) almost immediately. Then I became a regular pioneer (full-time preacher). I participated in the construction of the Kingdom Hall. I even managed to volunteer for the construction of the “Holy of Holies” – the branch of the Watch Tower Society in the village of Solnechnoe, near St. Petersburg. In addition, I made visits to unassigned territory, assisted in regions where the need was greater … many things!

First Doubts

After several years serving as a regular pioneer, my mother was injured and I took care of her for several months. My “spiritual well-being” changed. I had to stop regular pioneering. I was less frequent at meetings at the Kingdom Hall. After all, this “spiritual” employment was imposed on me. It was imposed as the only possible life path. Finally, I felt that it became much easier to breathe. This was the case even though I was fully absorbed in caring for my mother. Now I didn’t want to part from this new sensation of life. It turned out that life is beautiful outside the “spiritual paradise” as depicted by Jehovah’s Witnesses. This served as the first decision bell. The rest of the picture about the Organization only brought new details and confirmed all of my worst fears.

What kept me within the JWs in recent years?

Eventually I got a full-time job. I was provided with an opportunity to get a free education from work. I flatly refused. But the employees, who literally treated me like I treat my own child, persuaded me with tears in their eyes. I yielded to their persuasion. In the meantime, my “theocratic” life continued to flat line.

I went and got a new job and my career was on the up. When posts were opened up, I joyfully invited my Witness friends to take up positions. Thus, I was surrounded by fellow believers in the office and in remote locations. And I became their boss.

Due to the fact that we were all from different backgrounds, their control of me was minimal, but they understood that my beliefs were already far removed from the “one true” religion. I appreciated our human communication more than any concern of having a common faith. With friends, I spent a lot of time: meetings, holidays & trips. But I wanted to get away from “spiritual affairs”. I did not attend meetings often. I knew that I would leave very soon. But it lacked the last drop or something … On occasion, I had to do my best to pretend that all this religious activity is interesting to me.

What prompted me to draw definitive conclusions

Unfortunately, big personal problems can make some kind of shake-up, putting everything in its place. That’s how it happened for me.

My dad fell seriously ill. And since I had a lot of time to give to the whole family, I actively shared in the care of my dad with my mother. He had a series of operations. He went through a preparatory period and then adaptation. In addition, it became necessary to obtain disability, and many other things.

Years of alienation while I was an active and fanatical Witness did not do us any good. But the time spent with my dad, when he fell ill, made it possible for us to establish friendly relations again. Sometimes it does not help to lose heart. The unsurpassed sense of humor of our dad has already become legend in our family!

Coinciding with these events were the appointment of a new elder at the Kingdom Hall meeting. It was Brother N*, who recently got invited to work in the Service Department at the Branch Society. Earlier, his brother served as a district overseer for several years. Everyone just adored him! He could not not use it for the benefit of the Society. And I was not ignored! He came up and reminded me of his own “pioneer” past. He encouraged me to make up my mind. To my response that my father was very ill, his response was very much in the spirit of, “Your parents are adults, and they can take care of themselves”. It was very strange to hear from a man who himself left his elderly parents for “the good news of the Kingdom”. In general, the dialogue was had was difficultly pleasant.

From that time on, I began to look from the outside at everything that happened in the Organization. I began to realize that I was in an absolutely unnatural environment. Every minute in it was becoming a burden. Everything around me screamed that it was time for me to leave.

Unfortunately, after 2 – 3 years of struggle, my father’s life sadly ended. He was beaten in an alleyway. And since he was disabled, his injuries were incompatible with life and so we lost him. Now that the years have passed, the pain of loss is not felt so sharply. But I clearly remember what it was like him not being with me. I would rather not have been born than see him in a coffin …

Despite the fact that for many years I attended the same meeting, and I was very well known, no one supported me at the funeral. Not even my closest friend. I asked her to help me, to escort me, nothing more. In response she said that she just about tolerates a funeral. Instead, she had agreed with someone to a “service” (preaching) appointment and did not want to cancel. I will not indulge in unnecessary detail but this situation put the final, fiercest point in communication with the Witnesses. There were calls, requests to forgive from several people including the elders. What for? I had already made my conclusions about this organization that were sufficient for me to break with all this. It only remained for me to “get” the status of ex-JW.