JEHOVAH’S
WITNESSES
More than 10 years revealing secrets because there is no excuse for secrecy in religion – w1997 June 1; Dan 2:47; Matt 10:26; Mark 4:22; Luke 12:2; Acts 4:19, 20.
JEHOVAH’S
WITNESSES
More than 10 years revealing secrets because there is no excuse for secrecy in religion – w1997 June 1; Dan 2:47; Matt 10:26; Mark 4:22; Luke 12:2; Acts 4:19, 20.
The following article is to aid in the transparency and awareness of news within the Jehovah’s Witnesses organization that the ordinary member of the congregation is not made aware of. It has been written by a congregant and involves other congregants that no longer engage in their religious routines or practices. These are individuals who are opening Pandora’s box on the mental influence that has governed both their lives the and the lives of millions of other congregation members. Some names may be changed. All references used in this article are from reliable sources and can be found by means of footnotes at the bottom of this article, or by clicking the graphics. All quoted teachings referenced of Jehovah’s Witnesses can be found by means of a search on JW.org.
The aim of this article is to raise awareness of the danger of allowing ourselves to be psychologically manipulated & coerced by Jehovah’s Witnesses. The article specifically centres around the topic of enmeshment.
What is the difference between enmeshment and intimacy? *1
Healthy closeness and intimacy in romantic relationships typically strengthens the romantic bond. In contrast however, enmeshment can have adverse effects on a relationship. In romantic relationships, enmeshment refers to difficulty separating your thoughts and emotions from your partner’s. It is typically followed by the word toxic because enmeshment is not the healthy route of intimacy. Equality and enmeshment are two very different things in a relationship, but the lines can easily be blurred when intimacy is in the picture. A highly cohesive family can be healthy, but becoming too close and overly dependent on each other can cause more detrimental damage that you may not notice until later in life.
There are certain warnings and indications that enmeshment may be developing in your life with parents, authoritative figures or a partner and even more so in a high control religion. These warnings may feel as;
If you cannot tell the difference between your thoughts, opinions and emotions with the other
The Bacon & Conway Codem describes the schemas and modes associated with enmeshment and co-dependency.
The stakes at risk when leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses religion triggers many internal conflicts and enmeshment trauma. It involves losing the engagement, security and lifestyle with your friends and family.
It also involves that strong bind of dedication and faith you have started to question. From the early rudiments of conformity, old light to new light, Watchtowers policies and theocratic laws, down to the inner workings and deep roots of this organization- enmeshed to your very being. It is now at a brutal standoff with reality of the world and the created reality as a Jehovah’s Witness, which are two extremes in one mind. Significantly, you suffer the crisis of a loss of identity, since this religion and its customs is all you have known and experienced.
You are strictly guided by the Jehovah’s Witness hierarchy to not disobey God’s Word and to live in accordance with the standards of the Jehovah’s Witnesses religion. You are told to be no part of the world. Therefore, when you are no longer attending meetings at the Kingdom Hall, or are disobeying, the shunning, excommunication, disfellowshipping, any way you want to put it, will occur. This constant threat instills an unhealthy deathlike fear in Jehovah’s Witnesses. Thousands of young to old ones are left alone after this happens and the side effects are damaging and life consuming.
There’s an immense amount of undisturbed control by the authoritative figures in this organization involving prioritizing your time, reasoning and conforming it into what they tell you God would be pleased with. Full obedience is key and a bare minimum of allowance as a Jehovah’s Witness involves the world outside of the religion. The perfect breeding ground for enmeshment is especially amongst the elder arrangement within the Kingdom Hall. This has been proven in multiple articles, news reports, case searches involving the elders of Jehovah’s Witnesses and the enmeshed ties they have on their followers, especially the younger ones. *3
In recent news articles #4 On July 7th 2023, the Pennsylvania attorney general Michelle Henry had a news conference on men in the Jehovah’s Witness organization who are charged and arrested with child sex abuse on multiple counts. All of the perpetrators charged involve at least; corruption of a minor(s) and indecent assault, along with other terrible acts. This is because as stated above, children are wrapped in an enmeshed lifestyle by not only the religion, but at times by their parents who are guided by what the religion says. Every case so far from Pennsylvania regarding child sexual abuse is stated that the child was either groomed from a young age by the perpetrator, or silenced and told to not tell anyone about what was going on. They obliged and lived in this traumatic enmeshed situation sometimes for decades. Unfortunately with this toxic enmeshment that normalizes the abuse, the elders who should be contacting local law enforcement and listening to the victim if they do come forth about abuse- seems to be quite sparce. Instead, they liaise with the organization’s headquarters, who also do not inform law enforcement authorities. Most of the time the outcome is not in the victims favor and can make matters far worse with inadequate, disciplinary action for their perpetrator. That is why these matters need to be made known and people need to be made aware of how enmeshment poses a danger to overpowering children’s rights, freedoms & autonomy.
An ABC Four Corners news article ‘Inside the brutal world of the Jehovah’s Witnesses’ goes into a few stories of victims dealing the backlash and price of speaking out against the organization. Two of them are Theresa Clare and her daughter Amy Whitby, Jehovah’s Witnesses who left the organization in 2015. They go into the disturbing mess they endured after exposing Clare’s daughter’s CSA by a trusted elder in their congregation. *5
“I was told that I was mental. They used my illness against me because I had that breakdown and I suffered manic depression,” Ms. Clare said.
Her daughter Amy stated how her self-esteem felt like it was ruined, along with her childhood robbed. An all too familiar of a feeling that Jehovah’s Witnesses have distress with both inside and outside the organization.
Other quotes featured in this article by previous Jehovah’s Witnesses
Bill Hahn explaining the mourning his family still active in the organization-
“So, really, for the last 10 years, from when the reality of it set in, that, ‘Okay, they view me as dead’ — you almost mourn in reverse.”
Renee Pickles after being disfellowshipped from the organization-
“It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I believe it is the main reason for a lot of my trauma.”
“I had nobody to turn to, and then I’d lost my entire family and community. So it was like I landed in a different planet and it was an extremely lonely period of time. It was unbelievable.”
After you are marked as someone who is purposely going against God’s Word in the congregation, your entire reputation and relationship changes with your fellow spiritual sisters and brothers; and far more often than not, this includes your family members. This is how Ms. Clare felt after the congregation heard of her daughter’s abuse, instead of helping her with loving arms.
Enmeshment trauma unfortunately means not losing your power and personality once a traumatic instance happens, but by definition it was already lost. The ties are thick, the wheels will forever keep spinning if this pattern is not changed.
A close friend, Pieter K. has been an inactive Jehovah’s Witness and a mental health researcher & advocate on social media platforms for 4 ½ years now. He has helped the ex-Jehovah’s Witness community when it comes to learning to deal with unmet psychological and emotional needs, helping explain to survivors of trauma their mental health needs, and to help unify our subconscious & conscious minds.
What are your thoughts on enmeshment and what kind of lifestyle is vulnerable to enmeshment trauma while growing up?
Pieter: Enmeshment has been defined as “a blurring of personal boundaries between people, persons or organizations that contributes to dysfunction and leads to a lack of autonomy and independence.”
Most often, enmeshment begins in early childhood. If you were born into or raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, then enmeshment very quickly becomes normalized and even more so if your parents were narcissistic, abusive or employed shame & guilt to coerce.
This leads a child or an adult to hate themselves, divorce themselves from their authenticity, autonomy and independence, forcing them, instead, to enmesh with the desires, feelings, will and goals of their parents or authoritative figures in order to feel stability, acceptance & love.
Can you break down the reasoning behind the Jehovah’s Witness religions teachings and how enmeshment feeds off of this routine and the stigma distilled in the majority of the minds of Jehovah’s Witnesses?
Enmeshment is exacerbated by the religious views of Jehovah’s Witnesses, who “inculcate their children” (teach by repetition – literally a brainwashing technique). Once the child is enmeshed with their parents, the child is taught that their parents are in subjection to God, the bible, the organization, the elders, the Governing Body. The child is already in fear of rejection & deprivation of love & acceptance from their parents, so for the child, the realization that there are layers of even higher authority instills even more fear and dread, leading to even more personal abandonment of authenticity, independence and autonomy.
The extreme dysfunction of enmeshment is continually exacerbated by the repetition of scriptures such as how you ought to “disown yourself,” “consider others as superior,” “do not please yourself,” “do not lean on your own understanding,” “be obedient to those who are taking the lead among you and be submissive,” “he that is trusting in his own heart is stupid.” (Matthew 16:24; Philippians 2:3; Romans 15:1; Proverbs 3:5; Hebrews 13:17; Proverbs 28:26)
As Witnesses we are trained heavily on use of the New World Translation of the Holy scriptures as a vital source for answers, and we refer to the organization as; the truth. In addition, the teachings of Jehovah’s Witnesses are supplanted by their recognition of and submission to, who they believe are God’s earthly representatives, the Governing Body. They have dogmatized the scriptures into laws and thereby control your life, because it is difficult to say, “No” to the religion, if it was all you have ever known your entire life as, “the truth.”
After a child in this family dynamic is in this enmeshed cycle, what can you expect when growing into adulthood? How can it affect them being one of Jehovah’s Witnesses?
The Jehovah’s Witness members in this enmeshed dynamic are very easy to coerce & manipulate as they have given up on their personal individuality, autonomy and authenticity. They are encouraged to not question teachings, to not think for themselves regardless of clear logic and proof. This enables the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses, through congregation elders, to have complete control and power over the enmeshed minds of their adherents. So much so that they are crippled by guilt & shame for such things as showing themselves self-love, or pursuing personal hobbies and interests or even talking excessively about them, even for pursuing higher education or careers or personal savings, investments, retirement savings.
As can be found on Jw.org in many of their publications, videos, and broadcasting it is not unfamiliar news that the religion of Jehovah’s Witnesses strongly discourages particular careers or the college life that is carried out in normal society. If it is not helpful or beneficial to the preaching work or the religion in general, you will be strongly discouraged by your elders about wanting to attend college by use of spiritual harassment. Many are publicly reproved from their congregation’s status for attending college. If any type of sinful act while attending college is made aware, you can be disfellowshipped. This causes Jehovah’s Witness families to teach their children to not have goals surrounding careers supporting college. The religion themselves though, have sent selected followers to school in law.*6 This is a sub-system stemming from the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, and creates a loss of autonomous development.
These enmeshed individuals mindlessly obey the clear instruction to shun their family members who are considered by the religion to be “bad associates” for as little as no longer actively preaching and more so if they are disfellowshipped/excommunicated for something as small as being critical, or talking about oral sex in marriage, or attending birthday parties, let alone being gay, lesbian or bisexual activities which are a well proven biological disposition.
In addition, the Watchtower organization discourages knowledge of psychology, strongly discouraging elders from giving psychology advice. Only in extreme circumstances do they relent and allow members to seek professional psychological therapy. Often times this is only after years of extreme anxiety and depression and suicide attempts. Many do not survive, especially after being disfellowshipped and shunned while crippled by anxiety and depression.
Unfortunately thousands of Jehovah’s Witnesses that have been cast out, or left on their own accord have committed or attempted suicide. True testaments, stories of active and inactive Jehovah’s Witnesses dealing with the trauma of this devastating treatment can be found mainly on the subreddit; EXJW.
The ignorance of psychology in the Jehovah’s Witness organization is endemic, and this ignorance perpetuates victims to stay in an enmeshed state and allows the elders and the organization to relentlessly micro manage, control, coerce and manipulate its members.
The reality is, that if members were well educated on psychological matters then far fewer would be trapped in this abusive and destructive religious cult.
In closing, what we have discussed, helps us realize the profound effect that enmeshment trauma creates, and more so as a child being raised by codependent or narcissistic figures. Such trauma leads to anxiety, lack of self-care, lack of self-love, as well as abnormal and constant fears. Later in life, once you are used to the dynamics of enmeshment, you cope with and lean on co-dependent relationships. That then leads to various trauma based disorders, not pursuing your goals and being vulnerable to abusive people. The web of enmeshment trauma is thick and twisted. The degree of entrenched, unhealthy self beliefs that this causes runs deep in the blood of our veins, our core.
This does not mean we are destined to have dysfunctional relationships forever. The effects of enmeshment trauma can be healed, and no one should consider themselves to be in a lost cause situation. If you are dealing with enmeshment trauma within a highly controlling relationship, abusive family dynamic, or religion, please seek professional help such as therapy or a crisis hotline in dire moments. Reaching out to a close and trusted friend can also help shed light from the outside in. You are not alone in this. The more we dive into getting to know ourselves, our triggers and our enmeshment trauma, the more we will come to discover that we are our own wheels to manoeuvre through our own lives, and not just a spoke in someone else’s wheel – you can then go anywhere you choose.
–Miss Usato
*1 Enmeshed relationships- https://psychcentral.com/lib/tips-on-setting-boundaries-in-enmeshed-relationships
*2 Fusion of concepts- https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Bacon-Conway-CODEM-Model-2022_fig1_359882300
*3 News article CSA- https://www.fox43.com/article/news/crime/sexual-assault-child-exploitation-jehovahs-witnesses-pennsylvania-attorney-general-charges/521-08a2b500-240c-49e5-b724-68ef1f5fa97a
*4 PA AG arrests on Jehovah’s Witnesses https://youtu.be/X-f8cb-0bEA
*5 Into the Brutal world of Jehovah’s Witnesses- https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-09-13/jehovah-witnesses-child-abuse-four-corners-investigations/100444320
*6 Philip Brumley “What is the best education? https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=share&wtlocale=E&lank=pub-jwban_201501_1_VIDEO