JEHOVAH’S
WITNESSES
More than 10 years revealing secrets because there is no excuse for secrecy in religion – w1997 June 1; Dan 2:47; Matt 10:26; Mark 4:22; Luke 12:2; Acts 4:19, 20.
JEHOVAH’S
WITNESSES
More than 10 years revealing secrets because there is no excuse for secrecy in religion – w1997 June 1; Dan 2:47; Matt 10:26; Mark 4:22; Luke 12:2; Acts 4:19, 20.
Part Two: Teenagers and Young Adults
Published by: Miss Usato on April 2nd, 2025
Micki McAllen was a Jehovah’s Witness from the age of five until she left the organization at 35. Since then, she has become an inspiring voice for those struggling with the confusion and challenges of leaving a high-control religion, especially at a young age. Her content is on TikTok and Instagram under Apostate Barbie.
For many teenagers, adolescence is a time of self-discovery, personal growth, and increasing independence. But for those raised as Jehovah’s Witnesses, these years are often defined by strict rules, social isolation, and intense pressure to conform. From restricted friendships and controlled dating to the fear of shunning and Armageddon, JW teens face unique struggles that deeply shape their development.
Sense of Self -“I felt like I was stuck in a box”
Many Jehovah’s Witnesses grow up with little understanding of mental health. While they may believe they have strong boundaries—building walls between themselves and “the world”—they often lack personal boundaries within the organization itself. This dynamic benefits the organization, as members are expected to comply with scriptural expectations and submit to authority without question. This lack of autonomy is one of the reasons abuse within the organization is so prevalent.
Dr. Lee: “This is what it’s like growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness, any time there’s a sign that you have an authentic thought—like, “Hey, something isn’t right here, something doesn’t add up,” you’re then prone to question yourself. “Why aren’t you as excited about this spiritual food Jehovah has provided?—instead of addressing these thoughts directly, we are taught, “Maybe you’re thinking something inaccurate. Maybe something is wrong with you.” If you feel something is wrong with Jehovah’s Word, that is never addressed.
Micki: “I had no idea who I was outside of trying to be the “religious good girl,” though my natural humor always seemed to slip out at times. I never got to pursue anything I wanted to do, like art, comedy, and writing. I was so preoccupied with what other people thought of me and felt I needed to win their approval over figuring out what I wanted or didn’t want in my life. I feel like I was stuck in a box, and now I’ve have to undo decades of indoctrination and harm.”
This mirrors the way the organization labels everything as “Satan’s propaganda.” The natural mental checkpoints we should develop as teenagers—questioning, critical thinking, and self-discovery—are instead seen as potential avenues for Satan’s influence. Fear is instilled from childhood and deepens during adolescence when emotions are already heightened and your identity is forming.
Sexuality in the Organization
Around thirteen, teenagers start to experience increased sensitivity to emotions and sexuality due to surging hormones like estrogen and testosterone. They also have more intense emotional reactions to social interactions and personal experiences. What is happening to your emotions and body is a natural thing, as well as the desire to want a physical or sexual connection as you grow. Yet, in the organization, it’s viewed as so deeply bad that even just thinking about it is problematic. We are taught to hate our bodies.
Micki: “I so desperately wanted to fit in somewhere, but I was also crippled by the fear of not being able to be a good enough Witness. I also felt like I wasn’t “worldly enough” for the worldly kids. As far as sexuality, I was only allowed to exist in the comp/het/straight narrative of the Organization’s standards- there was no way I was allowed to be anything else. I only knew of sex through what I was taught as a Jehovah’s Witness, which is very little.
Dr. Lee: “There are two different messages for the genres in the Organization. For boys, this sexual drive is profoundly sinful, and you should hate it. For Girls, it is that “our bodies are wrong, and there’s something wrong in ourselves, and we need to shield men from our ugly power.” For instance, “What were you wearing to cause him to pursue you?-” kind of ideology –because women are responsible for the actions of men. It’s not uncommon in this organization that when a woman is in a situation that she does not know how to get out of, whatever happens is hushed or blamed on the woman.”
Sex education is minimal and primarily fear-based, emphasizing guilt and punishment rather than healthy understanding. Girls, in particular, are often blamed for attracting male attention and are expected to dress modestly to avoid “stumbling” men. This environment can lead to deep shame, repression, and confusion about their own identities and bodies.
To explain what Dr. Lee and Micki is referring to, here are a few examples from their publications:
Young People Ask, Volume 1, Chapter: How Can I Protect Myself From Sexual Assault? “Girls, would you send a mixed message by wearing provocative clothing? True, you may want to look attractive. But if your clothes send out the signal that you are sexy, you have to consider who will be attracted.”
Awake! February 8, 1993 – “The Blame Game” “It is wise to avoid overly revealing clothing styles. Why make yourself an easy target?”
Awake! July 8, 1988 – “How Can I Protect Myself?” “Avoid situations where you might be alone with a man. Dress modestly and avoid flirting to avoid sending the wrong signals.”
Abraham and his son: “Unconditional Love” – It’s not love
As Jehovah’s Witness children, we read the story of Abraham and Isaac from My Book of Bible Stories, a mustard-yellow book published by the Jehovah’s Witness Organization. While it may have seemed like just another bedtime story, it subtly trained us for deeper lessons in obedience—ones that would take full effect in our teenage years when we were still dependent on our parents but beginning to form our own identities.
The story is framed to reinforce specific behaviors that benefit the high-control group:
Absolute Obedience: Abraham obeys without hesitation, about to kill his son- teaching that following commands—even extreme ones—is a virtue. In JW culture, this reinforces the expectation to obey authority figures without question.
Blind Faith Over Reasoning: Abraham doesn’t challenge God’s request, implying that true faith means silencing doubts. This parallels how JWs are taught to trust the Governing Body’s direction, even if it contradicts personal logic or morals.
Testing Loyalty: The idea that God tests faith through hardship encourages members to endure emotional suffering as proof of devotion. This can normalize enduring strict rules, shunning, or even abuse.
Authority Knows Best: The last-minute intervention suggests that leaders always have a plan, reinforcing the idea that even extreme requests should be trusted as part of a greater purpose.
Suppressing Personal Morality: Abraham is willing to sacrifice his son despite his instincts. This teaches that personal values should be set aside in favor of the group’s interpretation of “God’s will.”
Suffering as a Path to Reward: Abraham is praised for his willingness to suffer, conditioning members to see pain, hardship, or even mistreatment as a test of faith rather than a reason to question authority.
So, a child grows up with the story of a father who almost kills his son, shaping a mindset where obedience is equated with faith, making it easier for a controlling group to demand compliance—even when it conflicts with personal reasoning or well-being. Dr. Lee, Micki, and I have grown up with this and many other stories that have shaped how we think – I know we are not alone.
The Expectations of Absolute Obedience as a Jehovah’s Witness
How can you describe what the Organization does to keep younger ones in line?
Dr Lee: “So there are so many, honestly. Here’s how to make somebody miserable: Cut them off from people who do not share the same beliefs. Consume all their time with meaningless activities, such as pioneering, studying, always striving to have a better role in the organization to please Jehovah. So they constantly wear masks and can never express their feelings. That is a recipe for severe anxiety and depression. You can’t stay ignorant of why you are really unhappy. Where a typical teenager can eventually realize what is causing this confusion or unhappiness in their lives, a Jehovah’s Witness typically cannot comprehend because they were trained not to listen to their hearts or minds.”
Micki: “I got baptized at nineteen, though I started asking to be when I was sixteen. But I was rejected twice because I “didn’t answer enough” at the meetings and had zero hours on my field service report for one month- it was during school exams. As a result, I was left out of the congregation friend groups because I wasn’t baptized. I felt immense pressure to get baptized so that I would be accepted.”
Given the above explanations, Jehovah’s Witnesses are naturally very anxious people. You’re terrified of the world, of your heart, of displeasing others, and of always doing something wrong. What does this organization want? For you to be on a straight and narrow path with the Governing Body doctrines.
What about higher education?
The Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses strongly discourages higher education, viewing it as a spiritual and moral threat that can weaken a person’s faith. They argue that universities promote “worldly thinking” and independence, which could lead young ones to question JW teachings and become less reliant on the organization. Instead, they emphasize the importance of dedicating one’s life to full-time ministry, encouraging young Witnesses to pursue low-skilled trades or part-time work that allows them to focus on spiritual activities. In JW literature and broadcasts, higher education is often portrayed as a tool of Satan, designed to corrupt minds and pull people away from Jehovah. This anti-education stance keeps many young JWs financially dependent and deeply tied to religion, reinforcing the organization’s control over their lives.
JW youth are taught that loyalty to the Governing Body and elders is essential, even over personal reasoning or family ties. A few references from their publications:
Watchtower, June 1, 1993, p. 21: “Christian parents should encourage their children to make a dedication to Jehovah and get baptized at a young age.”
Watchtower, February 15, 2006, p. 26: “When a decision is reached, loyal Christians will accept it and support it fully. This is true even when they do not completely understand the reason for the decision.”
Watchtower, October 1, 2012, p. 22: “A Christian should not hesitate to obey the faithful and discreet slave, even if he does not fully understand the reasons for the instructions given.”
Watchtower, November 1, 1992, p. 19: “Many who have pursued higher education have had their minds molded by human thinking rather than by God’s thinking.”
Watchtower, February 15, 2011, p. 28: “Would it be wise to develop a close friendship with someone who does not share your faith? The Bible’s answer is clear. (2 Cor. 6:14) Such friendships could weaken your faith and make you vulnerable to bad influences.”
The Deprogramming Process
Dr Lee: “The first stage of leaving isn’t always a conscious decision to break free—it often starts with deep feelings of guilt and unworthiness. Many, especially those who are LGBTQ+, don’t leave because they recognize the organization as harmful. Instead, they leave believing they are the problem—that they are inherently sinful and unworthy of being Jehovah’s Witnesses. They carry this shame into their new lives, still holding onto the belief system that made them feel wrong in the first place.
The real turning point comes when they begin to question the teachings themselves. It is essential to understand that the organization is a cult and that its doctrines are built on control—not truth. Without this realization, deprogramming becomes much more complicated. True healing starts when they can think for themselves and accept that their feelings and identity are not something to be ashamed of.
Micki: “I left the Organization at 35, and having never been married, I was faced with dating while a “virgin” in my 30s. It was very intimidating and overwhelming. I also felt like an alien in the world and had to build friendships from scratch, which took time since I had no outside friends by the time I left.”
After letting go of the organization’s control, the next challenge is figuring out: “Who am I?” Many former witnesses realize they have spent their entire lives suppressing their true selves in order to conform. Their choices, interests, and even their personalities were shaped by the religion’s rigid expectations. Now, without the organization dictating their every move, they’re left wondering, “What do I actually like? What are my real beliefs? What parts of me were molded by Jehovah’s Witnesses, and what is truly me?”
It can feel overwhelming, but the authentic self is still there—just buried under years of indoctrination. The key is unearthing that self, exploring personal interests, and allowing space for curiosity and self-expression. Without this step, it’s difficult to move forward in life because you can’t choose a path if you don’t know who you are.
For most people, leaving the organization isn’t just about rejecting its teachings—it’s about rebuilding an entire life from scratch. This may involve:
Starting a career (or building one for the first time)
Learning how to take care of yourself emotionally and financially
Developing a new community of friends and support
Exploring spirituality on your own terms (if you choose to)
One of the biggest challenges is undoing the people-pleasing mentality that Jehovah’s Witnesses instill. Many former witnesses struggle with putting their own needs first because they were taught that a “good person” always prioritizes others. But real self-care means recognizing that you matter too—that it’s okay to want things, to make decisions for yourself, and to ensure your well-being before constantly giving to others.”
Micki: “I had to start figuring out how to set boundaries and enforce them for my benefit and those in my life. I have been very lucky with making some amazing friendships, a great first time, and I relocated to the UK away from NZ where I was a Jehovah’s Witness.”
Healing from a high-control group is a journey, but every phase brings you closer to freedom, self-acceptance, and the life you were meant to live.
You’re out; now what?
Micki: “I left at 35, and having never been married, I was faced with dating while a virgin in my 30s. It was very intimidating and overwhelming. I also felt like an alien and had to build friendships from scratch, which took time since I had no outside friends by the time I left. But I made them, I got through it, and now I feel so much more free. I trust myself now that I am out of the Organization. I’m still learning, but life is so much better away from a stifling, controlling, toxic environment!”
Being shunned from the organization didn’t just change how Jehovah’s Witnesses saw me—it changed how I saw myself. Losing the only community I had ever known was disorienting, especially when my worth seemed tied to my obedience to their rules. Leaving as a teenager or young adult is not just a difficult choice; it’s a leap into the unknown, where the security you once relied on suddenly vanishes.
At first, it may feel like stepping away from a crutch, but in reality, the organization was never genuine support—it was a system that kept me dependent. Instead of leaning on an institution that demands conformity, I needed real tools—therapy, education, and genuine relationships—to heal and rebuild on my own terms.
Though the transition can be painful—especially with the loss of community and family—it opens the door to self-discovery, critical thinking, and relationships built on choice rather than obligation.
What is your definition of love now, compared to what you thought it was as a witness?
Micki: “I would say love is something we all deserve, and it should make us feel at peace inside. It’s not conditional.”
Aiding Transparency to Watchtowers teachings. If you have additional information about this topic or would like to reach the author- Please email [email protected]