Complaints

Got Something to Get Off Your Chest?

We take every complaint seriously—well, almost every complaint. If you’re here to tell us that Jehovah is going to destroy us at Armageddon, we get it. But we’re not worried. However, if you’ve stumbled upon a legitimate bug, a confusing sentence, or something that truly ruined your day (like a missing full stop), we want to hear about it!

Why Do We Want Your Complaints?

• Complaints help us make this website better, faster, and less prone to destruction during the Great Tribulation.
• Your feedback is our guiding light, shining brightly through the chaos of The Watchtower and Awake! magazines.
• Honestly, we love a good rant—it reminds us we’re all in this exegetical journey together.

How to File a Complaint Without Losing Your Sanity

1. Start by telling us what went wrong:
   Did a button take you to the wrong page? Did our criticism of your beloved cult hurt your feelings? Did you spurt coffee all over yourself while laughing at one of our witty captions? (We hope not, but we’ll take responsibility for that.)

2. Feel free to include your emotions:
   Are you mildly annoyed? Outrageously confused? Or just here to share an existential crisis sparked by one of our articles? Let it out. This is a safe space.

3. Suggestions are welcome but not mandatory:
   If you have an idea for improvement, throw it in! We love a good suggestion. If not, that’s fine—we’re happy to improvise based on constant prayer, intense Study of the Bible, a reading of a letter from Paul to the Corinthians, and a couple of angry responses from a number of irate householders on Saturday morning.

4. Hit your button of choice and let the magic happen:
   Once we receive your complaint, it’s routed directly to our Department of Heavenly-Directed Justice & Corrections, where a team of self-righteous humans will do their best to fix things and send you spiritually-enriched vibes.

What Happens After You Submit Your Complaint?

• You’ll get a self-induced response that’s 15% confusion and 75% frustration.
• Your complaint will join a prioritization queue sorted by urgency, spirituality, and whether it made our overly-emotional father Jehovah happy, sad, angry, or jealous.
• We’ll neither fix the issue or send you a heartfelt reply explaining why we’re keeping that feature that only works on meeting nights and when you should be preparing your talk.

We reserve the right to:

• Laugh at complaints about things we know are correct but you know better because you’ve studied your Watchtower for this Sunday’s meeting.
• Frame exceptionally creative rants on our office walls.
• Ignore any feedback submitted entirely in ALL CAPS (unless it’s so funny we can’t resist).

So go ahead—vent your frustrations, share your ideas, and help us make this the best website that is absent of irritating advertisements, has no means to force you here, and costs you nothing to visit.  Your voice matters. Truly. Without it, we’d be like a lost sheep caught in briars and drowning in a field of S-77 documents.

Ready?

Those who are faithful in least are also faithful in much. You are the type to leave it in Jehovah’s hands. However, if you are not so faithful, you may need to readjust your thinking. Whatever, the mindset, we do not judge. Just click on the button below that is appropriate to your mindset to file your complaint.

Note: These buttons work similar to prayer, except you don’t get the same placebo effect. However, no matter how you may feel after clicking the button(s) below, always remind yourself that Jehovah loves you. He’ll take care of everything in his own good time. Therefore, keep up with his chariot. Don’t fall behind. And whatever you do, don’t get ahead of it. The Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses does not like it when people get ahead of the chariot. It makes them look like the ordinary men that they are. They are as ordinary as every other man and woman who has to bend their knees to the almighty toilet bowl. So remember, next time you’re doing a poop, the toilet bowl accepts you for who you are. Isn’t that a thought-provoking wonder of creation?